Bear with Us

We had full-day faculty meeting today at Bloom. I wanted to pass on a little anecdote that was shared.  Last week there were two little boys in the preschool class who "became" bears.  Little hands became claws, wild eyes flashed and they “roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth,” so to speak.  This was okay for a while, but the bears became more and more “wild.”  It is at this point that many of us adults of the non-bear variety might suggest that the boys become something else, engage in something else, or simply calm down.  Instead, our lovely Miss Marie declared, “Oh dear, these bears seem to need someone to take care of them!  Who will feed them?  Hmmm, I think they need to be brushed as well...”  This call to duty was answered by two eager classmates.  The bears were thrilled - not only were they being acknowledged as bears, but a whole new layer was added to their play.  As it turns out, bears - when groomed and fed - become much tamer creatures.  

I loved hearing this story.  I loved that instead of telling the children “that’s enough” or “calm down,” their teacher took a moment to use her imagination.  In doing so she managed to honor and encourage the imaginative play of the children, while infusing the bear play with an element of calm.  Well done.

iCamp

My family has part ownership of a rustic wood cabin built by a group of my great grandfather’s friends back in 1906.  It sits on a secluded pond surrounded by over 200 acres of woodland.  When I get out of my car there I breathe deeply, taking in the smell of the deep pine woods.  Just being there moves me, and passion for this place runs deeply through my family.  I watch my children and the children of my brother and my cousins frolic in the pond in just the way we did as children.  I see my parents enjoying time with their grandchildren in just the way I imagine my grandparents and great grandparents did before them.  Sometimes I well up just reflecting on the simple beauty of that - the indelible connection to family past, present, and future.

There has never been a land line at “Camp” (as we call it).  There was a time when if you needed to use a phone, you had to go to a neighboring house up the road.  There has never been a television.  It is simple and timeless, except...

These days when we go to camp, with me and my extended family come cell phones, iPhones, iPads, DVD players, laptops...I think on this last trip handheld devices may have outnumbered people two to one.  

Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for wireless technology.  My small business has hit the ground running. Honestly, I would not have felt comfortable going away at all this summer had I not been accessible to potential clients and to contractors working on the school.  

For us grown-ups, I have accepted that having iPhones or cell phones at the ready is a necessary evil, even at Camp.  However (call me a hypocrite if you must), I still cannot get to that place of feeling they are a necessity for the children, particularly when we are in such a historically “unplugged” location.  

My family is amazing.  My siblings, cousins and I get along really well, despite often differing parenting styles.  If we can't agree we can usually laugh about it, sometimes pretty hardily.  As my family members read this, some will roll their eyes, while others will be giving me a virtual high five.  A good natured ribbing in each direction will likely ensue. 

There is no doubt that each of us loves the camp and (obviously) the children.  We all want the children to experience the joys of nature, and there is no doubt they do.   The kids run and swim and fish and row until they drop...and then they want their iPads...and maybe that’s just fine.  

Maybe I am just too nostalgic, but to me Camp should be about time spent enjoying simple pleasures. I love the idea of my children engaging in the same quintessentially “Camp” activities that were enjoyed in turn by my grandfather, my father and me...even if that includes occasional boredom. 

My grandfather probably couldn’t have imagined the kind of technology now available in this cabin in the middle of the woods, yet somehow I imagine him arguing that being at Camp without these amenities builds character.  Though, I can also imagine he would quickly be in favor of a way for the adults to enjoy a quiet drink on the porch in the evening without interruption.

Do you allow your children to bring video games, iPads and the like with you on vacation? If so, do you place limits on their use?  Do you feel that they have an impact on the overall experience, or are they a non-issue?

The Elephant in the Yard

I have noticed with my daughters (ages 3 and 6), that often when I am sitting down, watching them play (or hoping to), there is suddenly a fog of boredom that wafts through the room.  Conflicts seem to more readily arise between them.  Conversely, when I am physically busy with chores or hobbies, the children either want to help, or they respect the tasks at hand and become industrious in their own parallel way.  Perhaps the feeling is that if I am “just” sitting there, I am available to resolve all conflicts (therefore why not create more, since we have a built in referee?) and I should also, obviously, entertain them.  Yet  when left to their own devices, they can resolve conflicts and create more imaginative games than I ever could.  I think it is so important to give them these opportunities to play and to navigate how to treat one another without my constant input. 

Sometimes the chores of the day capture the children’s interest, and they ask to help.  Laundry, dishes and cleaning tasks can all be rewarding work for them, but what thrills them the most is the real work that happens outside - digging, weeding, watering, planting, mulching, harvesting.  Gardens are magical, even to me as an adult.  I still find myself a bit surprised when a seed I have tended emerges as a food producing plant!  

One day recently, my husband decided to make a koi pond in our backyard.  He spent hours digging a big hole for the pond.  The girls were initially fascinated, and though the excitement waned a bit while the afternoon stretched on, they matched his industriousness with their own digging in the sandbox, as well as helping me to weed and water the garden beds.  Beau set up a table with a notepad and pen, and like a mini archeologist, she rinsed, examined and documented the random items being uncovered in the excavation site...marbles, pottery, whiffle ball, hair clip, coal, elephant?  We passed an entire afternoon busily and contentedly in our little backyard.  (I have a really cute picture of Ruby to add here, but she is one of those new-age, garden-in-your-underwear types).

Sometimes we adults don’t feel like being industrious, and I am not insinuating that we  shouldn’t sit down and relax now and then. Children need to have down time too, and its good for them to see us taking care of ourselves.  I am simply reflecting on how our own work, whether it is done with the assistance of our children or merely in their vicinity,  is an important factor in the children developing their own sense of confidence and self worth.  Whether they are learning how entertain themselves, how to get along with their siblings or how to fold laundry, they feel empowered by these experiences.  Their will is strengthened by being treated like a welcomed and competent helper, as well as by not always needing to be helped. 

Food for thought:  Sometimes the tasks at hand can take a little longer (okay, a lot longer) when we are assisted by our young children.  But look at it this way - if we do not honor their pleas to participate in our family work now when the desire to be included is so heartfelt, do we still have the right to complain when they get older and no longer have any desire or inclination to contribute?

Rock On, Sisters.

Recently I began a small business, but for the past six years I have stayed at home with my two children full time.  When I have attempted, in my writing, to define what I was doing versus what I am now doing, it has been challenging (but I did learn a new vocabulary word...see related post here).  

“Full time mom” just doesn’t make sense - when you go back to work, aren’t you still a full time mom?  On the other side of the coin, using the term “working mom” is equally ridiculous.  Duh.  Aren’t we all working?

As a "stay at home mom" I was never one to bristle when someone referred to another woman as a “working mom”.  Personally, I found it more annoying when people would ask, “Are you working outside of the home?” The person saying this would always seem so proud that they had remembered not to impugn the decision of some mothers to stay at home.  Instead it always made me feel like some sort of a mental patient or zoo animal...as in, “Do they let you out?” Although I will admit the occasional baby vomit, tumble-out-of-bed wardrobe and dark circles under the eyes in those post-baby days probably didn’t help.  I may very well have looked like a mental patient and smelled like a zoo animal.   

I have known many “stay at home moms” who would sheepishly admit they wish they  were working outside of the home (why should this evoke feelings of guilt?), and many “working moms” who wished they were at home full time.  

Being at home full time with one’s children is far from easy, even if you truly love it.  Yet I will never regret my decision to be at home these past few years.  It felt right for my family at the time, and that is the best anyone can hope for - doing something that feels right.  Going back to work now feels equally right.  I feel inspired and challenged in completely new ways. Although, now that my husband and I are both working outside of the home, I often find myself wondering when the maid, the personal shopper, the chauffeur, the social planner, the accountant, the nanny and the cook are going to show up.  Ironically, sometimes I just want my mom to swoop in and fix everything (does that feeling ever go away?). 

My point is this - as moms we are all just trying to do the best we can for ourselves and for our families.  Being a mom will always be our most challenging and our most rewarding job.  Working mom, stay at home mom, career mom, mom who works within the home...whatever. We are all part of a profound, lifelong sisterhood.  At the core we are bound by the miraculous gift of loving someone more than we ever imagined possible.  Personally, I don’t think the word “mom” needs any qualifiers.  We are all rock stars.

This post is dedicated to BettyLou, who will always be the ultimate rock star to me. 

Nature's Ninjas

One of my fondest memories of childhood involves the large, golden field that lay beside my parents' house.  The soft, lush grass was about a foot and a half high.  I remember wandering out into that sea of grass as it rippled and danced in the wind, planting myself in the middle of it, and laying flat on my back.  There, in my own cozy nest, I would spend a lazy afternoon gazing up at the sky, searching for shapes in the clouds and being alone with my thoughts.  If I close my eyes I can bring myself back there...to the sounds, smells and even the physical sensation of laying there, shoeless in the grass.  

Today when my little one laid down in an patch of grass akin to that of my childhood memory, I was wistful and nostalgic, and {deep down} thinking about ticks.  Does this photo make you feel joyful...or nervous?

 

“Nature’s Ninjas” - I read that term last year (I cannot recall where) and its so apt.  Did you know that they sense the carbon dioxide we exhale and literally leap onto us?  Did you know they have a natural anesthetic in their saliva so we don’t feel them bite?   Recently a tick went through my washer and dryer and came out seemingly unscathed.  How is that possible?  If you live in New England, you’re crazy not to be worried about ticks.  Lyme and other tick borne illnesses are no joke, and I am afraid they are here to stay.  

But I refuse to allow this fear to cause me to de-nature my children.  I will check those kids over head to toe at night like a mama gorilla if I must, but just look at the bliss on her face.  How could I discourage her from interacting with nature in the way that children do...fully, viscerally, with all of her being? 

What measures do you take to protect your family from tick borne illnesses?  Do you find yourself afraid to let your children explore nature fully?  We are trying Nix Ticks from Lily’s Garden Herbals this year, its an all natural, plant derived tick repellent spray (www.lilysgardenherbals.com).